A Korean Mother Speaks Out

Yesterday morning, the mother of my 4 year old student, Nicky, came in to talk to me. She told me that she reads my comments on Nicky's report cards every month, and we talked a bit about her daughter...who is a phenomenal student. She has excellent classroom behavior, can already read English, and has an extensive vocabulary. Nicky's mother then asked me for a favor. She wanted me to record myself reading a speech that she had written for an English speaking competition, so she could work on her pronunciation. I of course agreed, and was blown away by what she had written:

If You Really Love Your Children, Turn a Deaf Ear to Others

The current situation in Korea is making us feel gloomy and uncertain about our future. It suddenly occurred to me, that despite this, many Korean moms are still fanatical about their children's private education. My subject today is, "If You Really Love Your Children, Turn a Deaf Ear to Others." This is to suggest that moms should pay more attention to what their children are interested in than how to provide them private lessons.

I had worked for a private English institute for five y ears before I got married. Even after my marriage, I kept taking English courses in cultural centers. As an ordinary mom of a four-year-old girl, I am more concerned about her emotional development than her education. This year, I was admitted into the third-year class of the Korea National Open University. To be a good English teacher for my daughter, I am now fully devoted to improving my English.

The most embarrassing thing I experienced while working as a visiting teacher was that most Korean moms showed an unusual enthusiasm for early-childhood education but had little consideration for the stress and pain they caused their children. Justifying to themselves that they are doing what is necessary to guarantee a better future for their children, they have actually deprived their children of the freedom they deserve.

In many cases, if a mom hears that the child next door learns something she forces her child to do the same. If her child doesn't get a good score on an exam, she regards it as a shame and pushes her child to blindly concentrate on problem-solving for the next exam. She seems to never realize that such pushing can be harmful to her child in the long term. My experience of this was a good lesson to me and led me to believe that Korean moms should try harder to understand their children better. If they do so, they won't be bothered or swayed by the raging winds of private education.

I believe education is like the 'rabbit and turtle' race where steadiness wins the race. If you run too fast, you might end up last. If you want your children to grow up to be useful members of society, you must try to be a good teacher to them and inspire them to study on their own without depending on private tuition.

It is the recent trend in Korea that moms are struggling to get a job to afford private education, rather than stay with them. I would like to strongly recommend that, instead of worrying about private education costs, Korean moms get into the habit of reading books to their children. If they do so, their relationship with their children will get even closer than before. The more time moms have to talk with their children, the more likely their children will grow up to be healthy, responsible and caring adults.

I used to read Korean and English stories to my daughter every night before she went to bed. Even when I was tired or sick, I didn't miss a day. My child seemed to take it as a bed-time game. After three years of my efforts, she began to read on her own. Recently she enjoys reading me English stories. It was a marvelous surprise to me.

Habits are highly contagious so it is very important for moms to teach their children good habits. Wherever the mom is, at home or at work, it is the mom that has the most influence on a child's habits. Once again I suggest that moms spend an hour a day caring for or playing with their children. It is their parental duty to try to understand what the children are interested in and what they are strong or weak in. Why don't Korean moms have the courage to slow down and become turtle moms?

I was impressed at how well she had written the speech, and also at her progressive way of thinking. As an English teacher in Korea, it's common knowledge that the kids are overworked to death. After their regular classes at public school, they fill their afternoon and evenings by attending different private academies or hagwons (specializing in English, Math, Chinese, Tae Kwan Do, Piano, etc). They get home late in the evening and are expecting to complete all their homework from the day. Even during February and March when kids have their "vacation" they double up on hagwon time. This period is known as "Intensives"...doesn't sound too relaxing, eh? All their lives, these kids have to live with the enormous pressure of working towards getting into that prestigious university.

Classrooms are named after Ivy League Schools at my hagwon.

It's so refreshing to hear a Korean parent think outside the norm and realize that a child's happiness is worth so much more than his or her "success." What's also amazing, is that because of this mother's loving approach, her daughter is doing incredible in her studies. I wish more Korean parents had the same mindset.

Nicky and babo Elizabeth Teacher at the sweet potato farm.
I've taught her well.